On the Frontline: A Reflection on Leadership and Loneliness

There are many unpleasant emotions that form the human experience.

Regret,

Anxiety,

Rejection,

and abandonment

are some that come to mind.

But perhaps none are as utterly soul-sapping as this particular one:

Loneliness.

And there are some nights where I cannot shake the feeling off of me.

How can one describe it?

Psychology Today describes the mental mechanics behind loneliness:

Though our need to connect is innate, many of us frequently feel alone. Loneliness is the state of distress or discomfort that results when one perceives a gap between one’s desires for social connection and actual experiences of it. Even some people who are surrounded by others throughout the day—or are in a long-lasting marriage—still experience a deep and pervasive loneliness.

I would emphasis that it is the lack of connection that creates the feeling of isolation and loneliness. I lived in a house full of people and had no shortage of friends - yet this feeling would hit me intensely in waves.

There was one particular night where I was suffering heavily under the hand of loneliness. And the next morning, I still couldn’t quite shake the feeling. I was seeking for a way to escape this sorrow.

I tried going to my brother's room to pray with him. I even tried speaking to some close mentor figures about how I felt.

None of them could provide me any source of lasting comfort.

I found myself wondering, “When is God going to bring the comfort I’ve been craving for?”

I was still feeling discouraged as I stepped outside to mow the front lawn.

Then, as I was mowing, a new song started playing on shuffle through my headphones. The song was titled “Lonely” by Caleb Gordon.

The song's intro included an excerpt from an anonymous interview:

I'm lonely now because-

A leader is always lonely because they are outfront.

There's no one out there with them.

When you think about it

If you have everyone around you

Then you're part of the crowd

So leaders are-

They live a lonely life

But they chose that loneliness,

And that's important.

You have to chose to be alone

If you're going to change the world

And every great leader in history as you study them

They really found their true self when they were alone.

You know Moses was in the wilderness.

Jesus Christ in the desert.

Paul went to the desert.

You know and-

So when you pursue something

That is more important than the crowd

You end up leading the crowd

Someone said you cannot lead an orchestra

Unless you turn your back to the crowd.

I felt seen and encouraged by God. I was given a reason to my suffering.

God wanted to form me into a leader through this season of loneliness.

Now, I hope you'll forgive me as I abruptly turn this blog into a speech for the next few paragraphs.

I want to take a moment to segue into an important meditation on masculinity from the Bible's perspective.

I believe that God made men to be leaders. That God made men to be kings to reflect His Kingship.

1 Corinthians 11:7

A man ought not have his head covered [during worship], since he is the image and [reflected] glory of God;

And God showed us how to do that through the King Jesus. Jesus Himself said that He was a King - just not one the world expected:

John 18:36

Jesus answered, “My kingdom is not of this world. If My kingdom were of this world, My servants would fight, so that I should not be delivered to the Jews; but now My kingdom is not from here.”

I noticed that men struggle with loneliness a lot of the time. Which then can result in some very negative and dysfunctional habits.

They can use their wives/girlfriends (who they are supposed to lead) as an emotional crutch. Or they can bottle it up and suffer in silence - eventually leading to suicide or self-harm.

But Jesus and His Good News offers a better way:

Luke 5:16

So He Himself often withdrew into the wilderness and prayed.

Jesus depended on God in His loneliness.

I now also want to re-direct my meditations on what it means to be a Christian as a whole.

As I wrote this, I realized that I had a false understanding of what it means to live the Christian life.

I thought that if I was suffering emotionally as a Christian, perhaps something was wrong. Maybe I wasn't obeying God well enough.

But I remember that as Christians, we believe that God Himself came down as the man Jesus Christ to suffer with us and to experience our sufferings.

And now we can experience His sufferings as we seek to follow Him.

And sometimes, the feeling of loneliness is included in that suffering.

The songs of the Psalms written by King David reveal to us that it is only human to feel the brunt of our weakness and lament it to God:

Psalm 142:4

Look and see, there is no one at my right hand; no one is concerned for me. I have no refuge; no one cares for my life.

and

Psalm 88:18

You have taken from me friend and neighbor— darkness is my closest friend.

So, if you're feeling lonely today - allow yourself to experience it and bring it to the God who loves you and cares for you. And I do believe that He will comfort you.

1 Corinthians 1:3-5

Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of mercies and God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our affliction, so that we may be able to comfort those who are in any affliction, with the comfort with which we ourselves are comforted by God. For as we share abundantly in Christ's sufferings, so through Christ we share abundantly in comfort too.

If you want to read up more on the Christian perspective of loneliness, check out this other blog by Desiring God - "Jesus Understands Your Loneliness".